I wonder what it was like…

Before I begin my entry, I wish to extend an invite for a free medium ship reading via Zoom. Your past loved ones are waiting to connect with you.. just go to my contact me and send me an email, and we’ll set up a day and time for your free Zoom reading. It works just as well with Zoom.

So I wonder what it is like for a person on the day of their pending death. Recently a local hiker and climber fell to his death climbing Bell Rock, I believe it was near the top somewhere and fell down a rocky crevice to his death. He lived and worked locally on computers. Many people knew him. A nice looking young man about in his 30;s. I only saw his picture on next door and facebook. I did not know him personally.

I wonder what it was like the day of your death. Was he up, was he down. Did he sense pending doom. What was it like the instant he realized that he was slipping. I’m sure he did not have much time to think about it, I’m sure there was a panic, for a second. I’m sure it was instant, climbing on hard rock, all you have to do is fall and hit your head..

I was just curious, surely subconsciously wouldn’t you think you would feel something, pending. Were their miraculous moments, like did he just happen to get to tell people what he needed to tell them. Many times that sort of thing just happens by chance. .

For another thought. I am asking Rosie where I need to be part time. Should I sign the lease for another year? Rosie, I know that there was a reason you got me out of my main residence… for my heath. I am younger here in the SW because I can be me. Shall I squeeze out another year for two hundred more per month. It is a very fair rare, that is not the concern, really, my own money is the concern.. And I am going through a love, mission, lost. I was spiritually driven to be out here for me my growth to agelessness. Part of me wants to stay, another part wants to get it down to one place.. I guess its a fact of too much stuff. Plus frequent oil changes are becoming more expensive, like they make sure they get $300 at a pop.. And I have been praying that no unexpected expenses pop up anywhere, rather car, or residence like an A/C etc., for my condo that I own. I am at the level of money where I first start twenty years ago.. at one point it was up two hundred thousand and I felt very comfortable.. I am thinking I may be around to see my third Saturn return. And I miss Vickie N.. I can’t deny it, I miss her.. I treasure the times we had together.. I think she loved me too. I think she got frightened. I hope and I pray Steve that I did not fail her for you, I hope that I delivered the messages you wished me to convey. I hope she feels you and connects with you often. I guess things were as they were supposed to be. I felt bad that she was along on the Fall holiday, when for some reason a concert popped up that drove me out too the village back to my home condo…. I wish I could have been here for her.. I think it was an opportunity maybe that was passed it.. Of course, I am moaning what never was.. I think she was shamed too. I only know that I miss her. I loved being in her company. I treasure those moments that were and will sadly never be again. Steve, please help me, okay. Rosie please help me too. Where am I supposed to be, between two places or just in my home city. I think my guides got me here for the sunlight of winter and the green of winter.. back in the Midwest is so gloomy and dreadful in the winter. I have drifted more away as I have read so much beginning with the dreadful C19 and toxic jab fiasco. Thanks in advance for helping me make up my mind. Please help me decide.. just have me wake up with the confidence of what I need to do, no lease, lease, or leave? Rent went up two-hundred per month. And I do feel and act and look forty-six.. its mind over matter.. I can even control my weight better here.. and there are too many plans back there.. if you know what I mean. Too many invites .. I need my alone time and sunny days and my to the rock hike and biking.. and ukulele open mics and group activity. .. So can I have my answer by tomorrow morning? You know last year this was so easy as Vickie was still here, even though growing ever more distance. I miss her. I miss her.. Steve I hope I did not let you or Rosie down in any way. Rosie I now you want way out of your way and Steve you did too to get me my two places to stay here.. I really appreciate it. And Steve you arrange my time with her, and the “Purse” day gift.. I loved doing things for her I was and probably still am in love with her. I would love to see her, a road trip perhaps.. if only she could have friends like that, where she could do that. but most importantly, I wish her love and I hope she feels loved. I hope she is happy, and healthy, well, pain free. .. and most of all free to be herself.. I miss her.. She was drown to this area too, to the village, for a reason. I can only hope that that was not it.. that short time we had.. I know part of that was because he was busy.. I know how women are.. I have lived it during my 30’s with my girlfriends and their boyfriends…… so please help me. I just did not want to be wasting that precious opportunity that I had.. Steve, is it totally over. Where shall I be where I can do the most good.. please help me decide. Can I squeeze out another year here.. that 1500 x12 = 18k, was 1305 x12=15,660. That’s 2,340 difference. So help me.. If for some chance she would want to meep up, I can always head back to the midwest.. its a day and a half drive. That’s half a car.. where as car payments of 500 over five years or six makes more sense.. and I better past my driver’s test.. .. its just thinks you think about.. although I see there are more centurions lately I see on FB. So please help me decide Rosie, think I’m seeing a yes.. its just hard because I no longer have my muse, Vickie.. they bought sight unseen in Fall of 2017, and I moved in across the street in Spring of 2018.. see that chance meeting was arranged by Rosie, for Steve.. She brought him forward.. to me. So I guess I feel rather lost. I’m being pulled in both directions.. I would be going back and forth just like always.. 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022-2023.. been four years now.. I was just the last year, well I think he wanted to return east…maybe that was why she drew distant. .. I know she loved me. So I ask Steve and Rosie and Emma and the Pleiadians and archangels for help.. thank you in advance. .. it is just weird because VN has been here ever since I moved in the area.. so was she my purpose, or am I my purpose.. can I do a year without her.. it was rather hard to think of coming back this last time, knowing she was no longer here.. it was hard. Since I am here I love the sun shine, the hiking, biking, ukulele group, open mics.. I wrote and published two books where being here, maybe three, I need to get my shit together so I can work on my ninth book.. don’t let people make me think I cannot do this.. Lou was all for renewing my lease. I have always listened to her gut feeling.. maybe another year. Or will I be super lonely with out VN here, her energy was powerful. Will I be lonely? Was this meet up more for me or for her or both. Thanks for listening. So that was my pros and cons list.. in a way.. my emotional health is important too. Steve I miss her.. can’t we do something about that.. …